Less Violence

I remember being struck with Michael Moore’s documentary ‘Bowling for Columbine’. As a non-American, the idea of gun violence by the hands of children in schools remains alien to me. Although I am not a stranger to physical violence, the film taught me about using listening as a tool to prevent such acts. Marilyn Manson, the death metal artist who was named as a possible cause for the Columbine massacre, was asked what he would have said to the students who chose to kill that day, who regularly listened to his music. His reply was a simple “I wouldn’t say anything. I would just listen.” What he meant was beyond the mere sitting down and letting those troubled young men speak. I believe he meant something deeper by realizing that the tragedy reflected the subconscious or collective troubles of youth everywhere.

Less Abuse

And I’m not talking of only the physical kind. Sexual, mental, emotional and verbal abuse is rampant to such an extent that the world has grown immune and numb to its devastating effects. We have come to readily accept that these ills come with the territory of life and this I believe is a form of self-abuse in itself. In my practice as a professional listener, I have heard countless stories of abuse and how people wished someone had listened with the pure intent of believing them, no matter how off-the-wall an incident was, or who their offender was. The key here is to listen without reaction, and with plain pure belief. If you show surprise, disgust, or even pity, you have at once removed the other party from the realm of still having a place in the world. It is a question of fostering a culture of believing so that protection is imminent, natural and deserving.

Less Hate

Hate manifests as racism, sexism, and many other isms of late. Hate is a product of ignorance and stereotypical perceptions that are easy to hold on to and last for the long run. Our concept of hating others is a rudimentary form of self-preservation, as if we still live in the wild with predators amongst us. Listening to those who are different not only enriches the human experience but also softens the part of us that wants to hate for an illusory sense of security. Again, when I mean “listen” I mean really getting into someone else’s skin. It is not about having a conversation for the moment and replying with ‘your side’ of it. Hate runs deep and it takes unconditional forgiveness towards yourself and others to undo it. Once we understand that all people hold worth and have something amazing to offer the world, listening to others will be a joyous experience. Find out what that feels like, starting now.

Less Heartbreak

Struggling with relationships? We have all been there and you are not alone. Give out love for the sake of it. Love anyway. Compassion is the lifeline of human connection, and forgiveness the bridge. People break our hearts based on what they know at the time, and if we are open to listen to our past lovers’ heart of hearts, it gives our pain meaning. The anger, frustration, hurt and resentment that accompany heartbreak are vehicles to get us to another place of understanding. The growth and renewal from a heartbreak has a value that reveals itself only after you authentically listen to the purpose of the past relationship – a karmic debt, a spiritual lesson, a new standard to be set for yourself, an awareness of your eternal worth. Without this, heartbreak will repeat itself until a time when you are ready to listen.

Less Deception

When someone lies to you, understand that it is a form of masking his or her real self. Make a habit of accepting them and their lies. This sounds counterintuitive (like a lot of what I say), but if you can get to a place of letting go of wanting others to be answerable to you, honesty is what you will attract consistently. Nobody is answerable to you. It is their will to share what they feel invited to. When we know of deception from the other person, your best response is ramping up your awareness about their disconnection and accepting it without the intention to change them. People who experience your response will either come clean or will find another to deceive. The beauty of this response is in its non-judgment. When you forego the common label of deception as inherently evil, that’s when you are really listening to another person.