Question #4. What is the difference between a Listener and a psychologist, life coach, therapist, counselor, astrologer, energy healer, or psychic?

Your candidate has got to be clear on this. Listeners are not any of these other professionals. Psychologists, counselors and therapists have a prescribed way to make you process and rely on their stringent educational training to move you forward. A life coach lets you get to your own answers but not before they also use prescribed tools and ask you leading questions. Astrologers and psychics advise you and predict life events. Although this might bring relief, it also brings on anxiety with the concept of immutable fate. An energy healer works with your aura and positive effects are felt primarily in your body with no opportunity to express your thinking. Your Listener should know what distinguishes their profession – no judging, no labeling, no diagnosing, no telling, no asking, no predicting, no advising, no disapproving, no medicating, no questioning, no explaining and no interrupting.

Question #5. Are there any issues that are off limits to talk about?

This question is another indicator of whether your candidate has tendencies to judge. There should be absolutely no subject that is off limit. For example, I personally get asked a lot about whether I would report illegal behavior or intentions expressed to me by a client. Unlike a psychotherapist, I do not consider it an obligation to report to authorities. Many find my stand controversial and even disqualifying, which I respect as their prerogative. Part of my professional practice is to tell my clients that I have heard it all and there is no topic off limit. When I mean there is no judgment, I really mean it to the core. So if your Listener says that she will not serve particular groups of people or will not address controversial topics, she is not an ideal choice. Remember, even if you have a problem with certain people or topics, your Listener should not!

At this stage, you know what your’re looking for and have perused the answers of your candidates to those important questions. Now its time to shortlist down to 2 practitioners you see yourself working with. If you have more shortlisted, push yourself to pick 2 based on the most complete, confident and convincing answers to the questions above. You really do need to hone your selection down to 2 before the final following steps.

Test the Listening Service Protocol

With your 2 final practitioners, you will now want to explore what you would experience working with them. Most Listeners will give you a free or low-cost first session. Here, it is important to notice how they conduct themselves, how they react to what you’re revealing, and if you feel truly understood. Let’s get into some character traits that you might watch out for during your first session. You should be able to answer “YES” to these trait questions –

Trait #1. Is she really listening?

This question can be rephrased as ‘Is she really empathizing?’ As you talk to your Listener, watch for whether she laughs when you laugh and sighs when you sigh. A Listener is a mirror and should echo you. She should express the intent of feeling what you’re feeling regardless of whether the logic makes sense to her or not. For e.g. if you were to ask her, “Am I ok in feeling this way?” she should absolutely be telling you to feel your emotions completely and not make any attempt at changing your state.

Trait #2. Does she stay clear of advising you?

It is cardinal for a professional Listener to stay away from giving you her opinion or advice on your situation. Giving advice is akin to patronizing in the listening process and should be avoided at all times. As you speak to your candidate, throw in a little test question like “What would you advise me to do?” If she starts offering explanations and justifications about your situation, this constitutes a big red flag. Any kind of “I think you should do this or do that” is a no no and you should easily eliminate this candidate as your Listener. Sometimes however, you will get the urge to ask her “What the !@#$% should I do?!” The ideal response from a true Listener would be along the lines of “If a stranger came to you with this situation, what would you advise them?” She should always be lovingly throwing the question back at you. A Listener believes that you are capable of finding your own truth, answers, conclusions and closure.

Trait #3. Does she allow silence?

Awkward silences are the healing grounds for professional Listeners. If during the course of your session you decide to stop speaking and stay with your emotions, your Listener should be leaving you be. Any attempts at filling silence with questions, prompts, probing or initiating new conversation is another sign that the candidate is not comfortable with leaving you to process your thoughts. Your Listener should find it completely natural to operate periods of silence during your session. I call this ‘holding the space’. She needs to allow you the space of silence and this invariably lets you come to your best conclusions, answers or the closure you yearn for.

Tune Into Your Sixth Sense

If you’ve followed the previous steps properly, you will be feeling pretty confidant about who you want to work with. But in the rare case of confusion and indecision, this step will resolve all doubt. Selecting the practitioner you’d like to work with is about connecting with their spirit, energy and flow, rather than their years of experience or their payment plan. So here’s what you do – observe how you respond upon hearing their voice or seeing their picture. If you choose to video, observe their body language and check out how long they can sit still for. The ability to keep still, listen with intent and meditate on what you are saying is significant. Your intuition and natural bodily response will tell you who the right Listener is.

Create a Clear Contract

Once you have chosen the one practitioner you want as your Listener, the last step is to iron out the details of your association. This is the only time you and your Listener will have two-way communication. Get clear on the terms of your agreement. Without this clarity, you will run the risk of jeopardizing your healing experience. The last thing you want is for an administrative or financial misunderstanding to rear its head while you are already deep in a regular schedule. You also need to express your expectations during your sessions loud and clear before you start. For example, you might ask her to start each session in a ritualistic way every time, or tell her how you expect an acknowledgement of your revelations so that you know you are being heard correctly.

Hope this article has given you the tools to take control of your healing journey and the confidence to begin the search for your Listener!