Category: The Listening Practice

The following article is copyrighted. To reproduce any or all parts of the content, write to hello@listentruly.com

Chances are, you’re not listening correctly. We were never taught the art of listening at school. What does it mean to listen truly? In this article, I bust the myths surrounding our assumptions about what good listening is and explain what our brains actually do when we think we’re listening. And here’s what to do to improve this self-defining skill.

---

Most people don’t know how to listen. Don’t believe me? Then do my test. Get a group of people at random to listen to a short lecture. How many people in the group remembered the talk? You will find that the average person wouldn’t recall half the talk, even if they seem to be in the act of listening.

Now, you might blame the speaker for being boring and not engaging enough. Or you may blame the results of this experiment on the poor memory of the group. But let me push back and insist that your group did not proactively listen.

The truth is that our cultural upbringing has not taught us the art of listening very well. Remember how you were told as a child, “Pay attention!” “Be quiet and listen!” “Don’t daydream!” These expressions have been nothing but punitive.

As adults, we’ve developed negative assumptions about listening, such as high intelligence and reading levels are required for this ability. Our school systems place high importance on reading and have not focused on the oral part of communication. Listening has thus been left to degenerate.

There is a valid reason for why concentrating on listening is tough. It’s because we think much faster than we speak. The average speech rate in the western English-speaking world is 125 words per minute. That is ultra-slow motion for the human brain to process. We’re asking our brain to compute words at an extremely slow pace, which makes it frustrating for us to concentrate.

Our brains have no choice but to process other thoughts that come its way while listening. In other words, when we are listening, we tend to have spare time in our brains. The key to great listening is how effectively we use this extra headspace.

Here is how to effectively use the extra space in your mind as you process what someone is saying:

Think Ahead of the Talker

When words are spoken, think about your own conclusions about them. This might sound counterintuitive to what listening is, but when you engage and interact with the words of the speaker in your mind, you are using the extra headspace you have while processing the words coming at you. You are not making final conclusions or premature judgements. All you’re doing is concluding what the speaker is saying for that moment. Don’t be afraid to amend your conclusions the more the speaker talks.

When you practice mindful self-interaction while the speaker talks, you are training your brain to avoid distractions and lengthening your attention span.

Analyze the Evidence

Think about the supporting points your speaker is offering to confirm what they’re saying. If the speaker isn’t offering much evidence for their argument, know in your mind that the argument is incomplete. The key is not to say it out loud until the person is finished making their point and has paused. Practicing the use of logic, analyzing an argument’s premises, and having strong criteria of what makes a point valid will increase your ability to listen effectively. You aren’t just passively hearing what someone is saying. You are summing up their stance within the safety of the extra space in your head.

Listen Between the Lines

When a speaker is talking, look for hidden meanings in between their spoken words. This is not about putting words in their mouth. It’s about paying close attention to nonverbal communication, including body language, facial expressions, gestures, voice pitch and tone. Ninety percent of communication is offered through nonverbal means. As a listener, what people say between the lines through gestures can give you an added advantage to understand a speaker’s motivation and offers you the opportunity to ask whether the speaker is being genuine in their speech or has deeper meanings to offer than what is presented on the surface. Read them like you would a mystery novel.

Synthesize Ideas, Not Facts  

You’ve probably thought that good listening amounts to being able to regurgitate facts provided by a speaker. On the contrary, understanding ideas is what makes a good listener. Facts are laid out only as a support to the bigger idea. The tendency to focus on facts is illustrated in many students who take copious notes during school lectures or employees who are in training sessions. Instead of writing down big ideas that a collection of facts leads to, most write down word for word what a teacher says in the classroom. Most people do not synthesize the information they receive. Paint the bigger picture by listening.

Regulate Emotional Filters 

There is one instance where listening becomes easy and a breeze. It is when the speaker talks about our own views and resonates with what we believe in, and thus we emotionally connect with the speaker. When we hear something that is against our worldview, our brain becomes overstimulated, and we end up tuning out. Either way, our powers of critique are put to rest by the emotions we feel. So, my suggestion is to wait before you make a final evaluation. Exercise patience by withholding judgment if you find yourself reacting emotionally. But here’s the ultimate thing to do – look for evidence that goes against your deeply held views. It will make you objective in your dealings and build empathy for others, despite opposing philosophies.

The next time you are in a seminar, lecture or one-to-one conversation, apply the mental exercises above. Before the communication takes place, prepare yourself to use that extra headspace you know is coming while the speaker talks. Your brain wants not only to help you absorb and retain information. It is egging you on to become a well-rounded person by objectively evaluating the information, the person in front of you and assimilating the big ideas that could change your world.

Summary of Article

The Big Ideas

---

01. Brains are Fast

We speak at a much slower rate than what the brain processes. That is why we find it difficult to concentrate while listening to someone. Your brain will look for other distractions to fill time gaps.

02. Extra Head Space

When we process what someone is saying, an extra space is created inside our brains. The key to listening truly is how we effectively use this additional headspace to assimilate ideas.

03. Mental Exercise

Withhold judgement, seek evidence and study nonverbal communication to assess your speaker’s stance. You can develop listening skills to an extent that will change you deeply. 

Mubeena is the Founder of Listen Truly, helping adults get the clarity and relief they deserve without psychotherapy. She started working as a professional listener out of her need for spiritual growth and her desire to practice non-judgment. If you would like to learn more, sign up for a free orientation session.

The following article is copyrighted. To reproduce any or all parts of the content, write to hello@listentruly.com

I’m here to address a question from scores of mail I receive every month. What it takes to be a professional listener is probably not what you think. I do not hire other listeners because what I offer is my specific uniqueness. If you are considering this work, read on. 

---

Every month, I receive tons of email requesting me to train others to be professional listeners. I love that people want to help heal, and that there is a real interest in alternative therapies to get clarity and relief for the mind and heart.

But there are also certain caveats to be aware of. And to be honest, this work is not something you can train others on. It has more to do with who you are rather than what you do as a Listener.

Since I am not able to answer every email, I thought I would publish a blog article about the profession and demystify some commonly held beliefs. If you are interested in being a Listener, sit back and digest what it takes to be one.

Here is what I think you should consider before setting out to do Listening work.

It’s Not Easy

Although many people reach out to me, there is a sense that most people think this is easy work. If you are listening authentically, this work can be rewarding but also psychologically draining. If you think you’ll just have to sit back and ‘hear people out’ about their ‘problems’ then you are not practicing authentic listening. With this work, you will find yourself drained and emotionally affected by the stories you encounter. In Listening, you do not separate your own emotional vulnerabilities like normal therapists must do. It will not be easy – dealing with awkward silences, angry individuals who have a right to outbursts, or those who profusely cry over things we consider trivial.

You Can’t Judge

The craft of being empathetic does not come naturally because it involves purging any kind of judgement, opinion, belief and view of others. If you find yourself judging and forming opinions on the spot about others, gossiping, and finding faults or criticizing strangers and those known to you, you simply do not qualify as a Listener. In my book, you would also be disqualified if you are quick to correct someone or tell others what they ought to do, think or feel. This is where it gets very hard to stay authentic. Your view of people in general will be challenged and tested with every client and it is imperative that all the views you’ve held in the past about people be buried.

If those weren’t enough to give you a reality check, here’s more:

Watch Your Energy

Absorbing tremendous amounts of negative and angry energy requires you to take care of your own vibration field. I find that people who are not spiritually inclined or do not believe in energy are not qualified for this work. As I’ve said before, it is not easy to take in what people spew out. There will be things you will hear that will make your blood boil or cause your hope for a better world to diminish at every turn. This factor alone will scare you away from the profession if you do not manage your energy levels. As a Listener, I do not advocate for talking about your clients or their stories to anyone, unlike therapists who are trained to speak to ‘supervisors’. I also do not approve of maintaining a personal diary as an outlet as it risks getting found. The way you practice will need to work out what outlet in your mind you create for managing your well-being.

Biases Will Blind You

If you have preconceived notions about a race, nationality, ethnicity, culture, language, gender, sexual orientation or religion, this work is not for you. Listening is about connecting as a human species. If you currently hold grudges, anger and have yet to forgive people in your own life, I suggest working through it before taking on Listening clients. We all have biases, but you will need to put them aside for the individual across you. This is essential when doing Listening work and is the first principle in witnessing the healing journey of others. You will have to possess the quality of hyper-awareness of your own self, your feelings and learn to self-manage your biases and prejudices of the people, places, cultures you are ignorant about. Allowing biases to creep up will taint your listening process. This work is about who you are, rather than the technique you use. The process, technique, practice and nuances of the craft come alive when you know who want to be.

Formal Study of Philosophy

Perhaps the only competency or skill required from the best listeners is that they will have studied not only counseling, therapy, psychology or any of fields related to the Humanities, but also be philosophically trained. By this I mean you will need to be familiar with the major schools of eastern and western thought (ontology, epistemology, etc.) because this applies when clients begin to ask for your perspective. Let me be very clear that in this work, there is no advising. Rather the client comes to their own conclusions, answers, action plans to forge their own path. But as a Listener, you will be asked for your perspective. Notice I didn’t say ‘opinion’. At most, Listeners offer higher-level perspectives which draw from philosophical insight and study of the humanities. You will never offer a personal opinion or an “I think you should do this” response.

More Than Money

The last thing I’d like to say about this work is most important. If you are into this work for money, you aren’t offering the real craft. Neither should you practice Listening without getting paid. All I’m saying is that your purpose has to be clear to you. My purpose is spiritual practice related to non-judgment of others. Without defining your purpose and getting specific about the impact you want to create for others, you will be sucked in by the emotional turbulence of this work. Your own life’s issues will be magnified, and you will follow the likes of many therapists who are trained to bury human connections in their professional work. Listeners do the opposite by experiencing what their client is facing without putting a label to any human suffering.

If you are brave enough to say ‘yes’ to these questions, you are on your way –

Are you ready to let people deviate from the norms of the world?

Have you forgiven family, friends, colleagues or others who have caused you pain?

Can you listen without offering your own opinion?

Are you able to remain neutral in the face of offensive comments or immoral acts?

Can you accept other religions and beliefs as ‘truth’ no matter how far they are from yours?

Do you believe the idea that there is no right and wrong in ethics and no ‘one truth’?

Have you been a formal student of philosophy?

Can you keep secrets and maintain the utmost confidentiality?

Please consider these questions carefully. When you feel ready, start listening to people around you. Do not go convincing them that they need your help. People will open up naturally when they see that you do not judge, condemn or criticize. Do not get caught up in starting a formal practice without first listening to strangers on the bus, the train, on sidewalks or in the elevator. Start practicing right where you are, with a smile, a greeting, a helping hand, or a random act of kindness. Be who you are and the techniques will come through.

Summary of Article

The Big Ideas

---

01. You Sell You

You are not selling listening services. You are selling yourself as a person and what you can bring to a client’s sense of self. 

02. Know Your Biases

You have biases that will affect your listening skills. If you are known to convince others of your viewpoint, stay away from this work. 

03. Managing Energy

Listening is not easy and requires you to manage your physical, mental and spiritual energy. If you are drained, stop immediately.

Mubeena is the Founder of Listen Truly, helping adults get the clarity and relief they deserve without psychotherapy. She started working as a professional listener out of her need for spiritual growth and her desire to practice non-judgment. If you would like to learn more, sign up for a free orientation session.

The following article is copyrighted. To reproduce any or all parts of the content, write to hello@listentruly.com

Let’s explore what the ‘active’ means in active listening. Does it really help change the world, or does it contribute to its dark side? You decide.

---

You may have heard the term ‘Active Listening’ before. The term is often used in corporate training settings concerning communication with your target audience, customer, stakeholder or colleague. But my fundamental question is this. Why does the word ‘active’ have to precede ‘listening’?

According to the definition of Active Listening on BusinessDictionary.com, the act involves mindfulness, comprehension, attentiveness and feedback. On the surface, each of these skills is about sitting back and absorbing another person’s verbal expressions. However, they are duly reserved for that moment only.

It is ironic that in practical terms, the ‘Active’ part of listening mostly concerns proving that you were indeed listening. And so you must provide feedback by making noises or restating what you have understood. I am all for staying in the moment and comprehending what someone is saying to you. But after that, most people can’t wait to pounce back with a reply. Their opinion, expertise or belief must have its day in the sun.

I call this the ‘must reply’ syndrome. As a society, we suffer from it daily without thinking twice about how it is shapes our world. We refuse to engage unless someone else pays attention to our narrative in return. This has become our standard of what is fair. 

I believe the ‘must reply’ syndrome is one of the biggest contributors to the dark side of our world. It is the basis of all violence, all worthlessness, all subjugation, all abuse, all atrocity, all hate, and all suffering.

As Homo Sapiens, we have survived by killing other beings perceived to be threatening, different or foreign. The fact is, we are not in survival mode anymore and have no reason to use tactics to kill the ‘other’. But we still do so everyday, because we make it our mission to reply to whatever seems to disrupt our way of being, thinking and doing.

The world can change faster and for the better when humanity stops replying in order to ‘prove our point’ which serves to feed our egos, our pockets, our false sense of security and whatever else is a prehistoric threat to our so-called survival.

If we work together to get rid of the ‘must reply’ syndrome, we would not need the ‘Active’ part of Listening. And our world would have much less – 

Less Violence

I remember being struck with Michael Moore’s documentary ‘Bowling for Columbine’. As a non-American, the idea of gun violence by the hands of children in schools remains alien to me. Although I am not a stranger to physical violence, the film taught me about using listening as a tool to prevent such acts. Marilyn Manson, the death metal artist who was named as a possible cause for the Columbine massacre, was asked what he would have said to the students who chose to kill that day, who regularly listened to his music. His reply was a simple “I wouldn’t say anything. I would just listen.” What he meant was beyond the mere sitting down and letting those troubled young men speak. I believe he meant something deeper by realizing that the tragedy reflected the subconscious or collective troubles of youth everywhere.

Less Abuse

And I’m not talking of only the physical kind. Sexual, mental, emotional and verbal abuse is rampant to such an extent that the world has grown immune and numb to its devastating effects. We have come to readily accept that these ills come with the territory of life and this I believe is a form of self-abuse in itself. In my practice as a professional listener, I have heard countless stories of abuse and how people wished someone had listened with the pure intent of believing them, no matter how off-the-wall an incident was, or who their offender was. The key here is to listen without reaction, and with plain pure belief. If you show surprise, disgust, or even pity, you have at once removed the other party from the realm of still having a place in the world. It is a question of fostering a culture of believing so that protection is imminent, natural and deserving.

Less Hate

Hate manifests as racism, sexism, and many other isms of late. Hate is a product of ignorance and stereotypical perceptions that are easy to hold on to and last for the long run. Our concept of hating others is a rudimentary form of self-preservation, as if we still live in the wild with predators amongst us. Listening to those who are different not only enriches the human experience but also softens the part of us that wants to hate for an illusory sense of security. Again, when I mean “listen” I mean really getting into someone else’s skin. It is not about having a conversation for the moment and replying with ‘your side’ of it. Hate runs deep and it takes unconditional forgiveness towards yourself and others to undo it. Once we understand that all people hold worth and have something amazing to offer the world, listening to others will be a joyous experience. Find out what that feels like, starting now.

Less Heartbreak

Struggling with relationships? We have all been there and you are not alone. Give out love for the sake of it. Love anyway. Compassion is the lifeline of human connection, and forgiveness the bridge. People break our hearts based on what they know at the time, and if we are open to listen to our past lovers’ heart of hearts, it gives our pain meaning. The anger, frustration, hurt and resentment that accompany heartbreak are vehicles to get us to another place of understanding. The growth and renewal from a heartbreak has a value that reveals itself only after you authentically listen to the purpose of the past relationship – a karmic debt, a spiritual lesson, a new standard to be set for yourself, an awareness of your eternal worth. Without this, heartbreak will repeat itself until a time when you are ready to listen.

Less Deception

When someone lies to you, understand that it is a form of masking his or her real self. Make a habit of accepting them and their lies. This sounds counterintuitive (like a lot of what I say), but if you can get to a place of letting go of wanting others to be answerable to you, honesty is what you will attract consistently. Nobody is answerable to you. It is their will to share what they feel invited to. When we know of deception from the other person, your best response is ramping up your awareness about their disconnection and accepting it without the intention to change them. People who experience your response will either come clean or will find another to deceive. The beauty of this response is in its non-judgment. When you forego the common label of deception as inherently evil, that’s when you are really listening to another person.

Summary of Article

The Big Ideas

---

01. no ‘active’ listening

The ‘Active’ in active listening is unnatural and unnecessary. The act of listening is a proactive deed in itself, and ‘active’ implies the need to justify that you were listening by restating the obvious, followed by replying.

02. the ‘must reply’ syndrome

We consider replying, answering and explaining to be the fair thing to do. But it is the basis for all the violence, hate, abuse, heartbreak and deception. We react with opinion and oppression too soon.

03. collective subconscious

When I speak about listening, it is beyond comprehending someone in the moment. It is about raising awareness within yourself about what it reflects about our society, and what it means for humanity.

Mubeena is the Founder of Listen Truly, helping adults get the clarity and relief they deserve without psychotherapy. She started working as a professional listener out of her need for spiritual growth and her desire to practice non-judgment. If you would like to learn more, sign up for a free orientation session.

The following article is copyrighted. To reproduce any or all parts of the content, write to hello@listentruly.com

To choose the right Listener for your needs, follow these 5 big steps. Take note of questions to ask and traits to observe. A true Listener behaves unlike anyone you know personally. She does not indulge in sarcasm, judgement or any kind of patronizing. She also has a spiritual outlook with a purpose to accept your soul needs.

---

If you are familiar with how professional listening works, you probably know how vital it is to select the right practitioner for your healing experience. In this post, I address what an authentic Listener should be able to demonstrate. For those of you new to this alternative method of therapy, I urge you to sign up for a free call with me about the benefits of working with an authentic Listener. A Listener acts as your mirror and reflects a better version of you. She wants to empathize in the truest way possible, by putting herself in your mindset, emotional state and thought pattern. She is required to exhibit absolutely no judgment on your story, situation or state. She stays with you in the moment and meditates on what you are revealing to her. Out of this process, you should experience greater relief and clarity on any situation big or small. The answers, conclusions or closure will emerge out of your own self as you sort through what you are experiencing in the body, mind and soul. Now that you have a gist of what a Listener does, what is the best way to select the right one? Before we get to that, why is it important to even go through a selection process? Can’t you just look one up, hire her and see how it goes? Take your time choosing the right person to work with because you want to experience a real difference in your day, week, month, year into your life. Trying out various practitioners and deciding they weren’t for you will affect your motivation to get the relief and clarity you deserve. So find the right one the first time and stick with her. A Listener will be your keeper of secrets, the person you will share every emotion with along with every dream, regret, joy, craze and belief. Unlike a psychotherapist, a Listener holds as much space as you need and let’s you process the way you want to as opposed to some type of prescribed way. Let’s get into how you go about selecting one.

Understand What You Need

The reason you need to take your time selecting a Listener is that you will want to know what you want out of this association first. If you are looking for an expert to medicate you, label you and tell you what to do, a Listener will not help. People who seek Listeners do not want therapy, advice or any type of recovery plan. If your goal is to purely experience relief and clarity on a regular basis minus the judgment, a professional Listener is your ideal option. Please understand that this method is not for everyone. You might be someone who needs somebody else to tell you what to do, how to be and what to feel. But if you have gone through this route in the past and ended up feeling misjudged, undervalued or overwhelmed, then go ahead and look for a professional Listener.

Shortlist Listeners with These Questions

The shortlisting process might seem straightforward but do not do this randomly. Via email, a free call or in a personal meeting, do yourself a favor and demand clear answers to the questions outlined in the section below. If they answer in a copy-paste general kind of way or do not care enough to explain details, it shows that the candidate is impatient and frustrates easily. Do not waste your time if you are not satisfied with the quality of their responses. There are many wannabe practitioners who think that Listening is an “easy job”. Let’s get into these questions, why you should be asking them and what responses you should be looking for.

Question #1. Why are you in this profession?

An authentic Listener chooses this profession because of their desire to fulfill a deep purpose. Find out what their purpose is. For me, my purpose is the spiritual practice of non-judgment. I do that by bringing relief and clarity to others without the stigma and labeling that comes with psychotherapy. If you resonate with their deep purpose, you’ve found a potential match.

Question #2. What is your philosophy of right and wrong?

No matter what your Listener’s core beliefs, she must have a clear philosophy on ethical relativism. The answer to look for would be “there is no ultimate right and wrong” even if you yourself don’t believe such! This question is extremely tough on both parties and brings out a lot of sensitivities. Take your time and digest their answer. Then try to work out if this candidate is capable of letting you have your own truth, your own right and wrong. It is crucial in your process to get clarity.

Question #3. What do you believe happens when people die?

In my book, the best Listeners are practicing spiritualists who believe that death is not the end. Watch out for overly religious beliefs, like there is a physical heaven and hell that people get sorted into after death for example. Again, let me stress here that even if you believe in this, your Listener should not. Believing in an entity that stands in judgment of you now or ever does not make for an authentic Listener. Similarly, if she tells you that you are punished due to bad deeds from previous lives, it is a sign that she has judgment in her bones.

Question #4. What is the difference between a Listener and a psychologist, life coach, therapist, counselor, astrologer, energy healer, or psychic?

Your candidate has got to be clear on this. Listeners are not any of these other professionals. Psychologists, counselors and therapists have a prescribed way to make you process and rely on their stringent educational training to move you forward. A life coach lets you get to your own answers but not before they also use prescribed tools and ask you leading questions. Astrologers and psychics advise you and predict life events. Although this might bring relief, it also brings on anxiety with the concept of immutable fate. An energy healer works with your aura and positive effects are felt primarily in your body with no opportunity to express your thinking. Your Listener should know what distinguishes their profession – no judging, no labeling, no diagnosing, no telling, no asking, no predicting, no advising, no disapproving, no medicating, no questioning, no explaining and no interrupting.

Question #5. Are there any issues that are off limits to talk about?

This question is another indicator of whether your candidate has tendencies to judge. There should be absolutely no subject that is off limit. For example, I personally get asked a lot about whether I would report illegal behavior or intentions expressed to me by a client. Unlike a psychotherapist, I do not consider it an obligation to report to authorities. Many find my stand controversial and even disqualifying, which I respect as their prerogative. Part of my professional practice is to tell my clients that I have heard it all and there is no topic off limit. When I mean there is no judgment, I really mean it to the core. So if your Listener says that she will not serve particular groups of people or will not address controversial topics, she is not an ideal choice. Remember, even if you have a problem with certain people or topics, your Listener should not! At this stage, you know what your’re looking for and have perused the answers of your candidates to those important questions. Now its time to shortlist down to 2 practitioners you see yourself working with. If you have more shortlisted, push yourself to pick 2 based on the most complete, confident and convincing answers to the questions above. You really do need to hone your selection down to 2 before the final following steps.

Test the Listening Service Protocol

With your 2 final practitioners, you will now want to explore what you would experience working with them. Most Listeners will give you a free or low-cost first session. Here, it is important to notice how they conduct themselves, how they react to what you’re revealing, and if you feel truly understood. Let’s get into some character traits that you might watch out for during your first session. You should be able to answer “YES” to these trait questions –

Trait #1. Is she really listening?

This question can be rephrased as ‘Is she really empathizing?’ As you talk to your Listener, watch for whether she laughs when you laugh and sighs when you sigh. A Listener is a mirror and should echo you. She should express the intent of feeling what you’re feeling regardless of whether the logic makes sense to her or not. For e.g. if you were to ask her, “Am I ok in feeling this way?” she should absolutely be telling you to feel your emotions completely and not make any attempt at changing your state.

Trait #2. Does she stay clear of advising you?

It is cardinal for a professional Listener to stay away from giving you her opinion or advice on your situation. Giving advice is akin to patronizing in the listening process and should be avoided at all times. As you speak to your candidate, throw in a little test question like “What would you advise me to do?” If she starts offering explanations and justifications about your situation, this constitutes a big red flag. Any kind of “I think you should do this or do that” is a no no and you should easily eliminate this candidate as your Listener. Sometimes however, you will get the urge to ask her “What the !@#$% should I do?!” The ideal response from a true Listener would be along the lines of “If a stranger came to you with this situation, what would you advise them?” She should always be lovingly throwing the question back at you. A Listener believes that you are capable of finding your own truth, answers, conclusions and closure.

Trait #3. Does she allow silence?

Awkward silences are the healing grounds for professional Listeners. If during the course of your session you decide to stop speaking and stay with your emotions, your Listener should be leaving you be. Any attempts at filling silence with questions, prompts, probing or initiating new conversation is another sign that the candidate is not comfortable with leaving you to process your thoughts. Your Listener should find it completely natural to operate periods of silence during your session. I call this ‘holding the space’. She needs to allow you the space of silence and this invariably lets you come to your best conclusions, answers or the closure you yearn for.

Tune Into Your Sixth Sense

If you’ve followed the previous steps properly, you will be feeling pretty confidant about who you want to work with. But in the rare case of confusion and indecision, this step will resolve all doubt. Selecting the practitioner you’d like to work with is about connecting with their spirit, energy and flow, rather than their years of experience or their payment plan. So here’s what you do – observe how you respond upon hearing their voice or seeing their picture. If you choose to video, observe their body language and check out how long they can sit still for. The ability to keep still, listen with intent and meditate on what you are saying is significant. Your intuition and natural bodily response will tell you who the right Listener is.

Create a Clear Contract

Once you have chosen the one practitioner you want as your Listener, the last step is to iron out the details of your association. This is the only time you and your Listener will have two-way communication. Get clear on the terms of your agreement. Without this clarity, you will run the risk of jeopardizing your healing experience. The last thing you want is for an administrative or financial misunderstanding to rear its head while you are already deep in a regular schedule. You also need to express your expectations during your sessions loud and clear before you start. For example, you might ask her to start each session in a ritualistic way every time, or tell her how you expect an acknowledgement of your revelations so that you know you are being heard correctly. Hope this article has given you the tools to take control of your healing journey and the confidence to begin the search for your Listener!

Summary of Article

The Big Ideas

---

01. Stick to one

Trying out many practitioners will affect your motivation to get the relief and clarity you deserve. So find the right one the first time and stick with her.

02. Own Truth

She should let you have your own truth, your own right and wrong. In no way should she be influencing you into her way of thinking, belief system or life view.

03. Distinguish

Your Listener should know what distinguishes her profession from therapists, life coaches, psychologists, psychiatrists, energy healers or psychics.

Mubeena is the Founder of Listen Truly, helping adults get the clarity and relief they deserve without psychotherapy. She started working as a professional listener out of her need for spiritual growth and her desire to practice non-judgment. If you would like to learn more, sign up for a free orientation session.

The following article is copyrighted. To reproduce any or all parts of the content, write to hello@listentruly.com

Friends and family love you. But the relief offered by a stranger with no preconceived notions about you might just be what you need. Strangers are a clean canvas and do not enter with any expectations, wishes or desires connected to you. They are ideal for holding your time and space allowing you to process what you need to.

---

Throughout college in the U.S. almost 20 years ago, young people would seek me out as a freedom of expression board. It started with friends and then suddenly they would bring others who were looking for the same kind of relief. I came to be known as the “girl who’s heard it all”. From deep family secrets to relationship troubles and even overwhelmingly exciting news, nothing surprised me about any situation. What made complete strangers trust me with their innermost thoughts, feelings, fears, dreams and ideas? At the time, I just thought it was because I was the exotic international student who loved connecting with human beings. I was never shy or awkward around strangers. I would smile at everyone while entering an elevator or passing by a building on campus. Not everyone smiled back, but smiling at strangers made my world less disjointed. Back to the present day, I woke up one fine day in February 2016 and asked myself “How can I serve more people on a personal level?” And during my daily meditation, I saw myself at the back of that college cafeteria listening to people who didn’t know me. The days when anyone could find me at the back of the cafeteria, pull up a chair and sit across me to rave, rant, spill, laugh, cry and even puke were oh so rewarding. And so, I developed a formal Listening technique and have been applying it on individuals this past year. It serves people on a personal level to bring them relief and clarity without the usual judgment, labels, diagnoses, or advice. I knew that the best way for me to serve others was by consciously NOT telling them what to do or how to be. The idea of psychotherapy, counseling, astrology, or any discipline that imposes a value judgment on a person’s situation, personality or feelings was not an option I wanted to pursue. So how did I decide to serve others? By being a conduit for individuals to freely engage in introspection to attain relief and clarity. During my year of practicing professional listening, the one thing that’s been most appreciated is the fact that I am a total stranger to clients. This is what they tell me about why self-reflecting aloud with a stranger they trust was so valuable:

Friend and Family Advice is Unwelcome

“Just plain listen to me. I don’t want your patronizing advice. I want a blank canvas to express myself right here and right now”

Clients find relief in the fact that I don’t have any relationship to them. I am not the friend they’ve known since childhood, nor a colleague who knows their strengths and weaknesses, and thankfully I am not a family member eternally claiming to know what’s in their best interest. When people wish to speak about dreams, mistakes, regrets and hopes – do not underestimate the blank canvas offered by a complete stranger across the table.

There is Too Much Judgment Going Around

“I’m tired of being told that I’m wrong, not good enough, that my big mistake has irreversible consequences, what I should’ve done, or I could’ve been this or that. I come with my flaws included”

For those who courageously tried it, talking to a stranger was an extremely clarifying experience. Why? Because they experienced no judgment. There was no moral policing about what they were going through. As a result, any pent up guilt started to release itself naturally. Guilt has no place if clarity and relief are to be achieved. Judgment is all too common. Criticism of imperfections and mistakes pervades every workplace, home and social circle. A stranger has no incentive to showcase ego especially in the absence of a no guilt-inducing agenda.

Total Confidence is Hard to Come By

“I don’t know who I can trust to keep my secret 100% safe. But I need to tell somebody because its just too exciting or too much of a burden”

Secrets don’t remain secrets. People known to you tend to tell all no matter how much they are sworn not to. There is an allure of scoring social points and reveling in others’ momentary oohs and aahs. Many of my individual clients admit they’ve been burned by betrayal. This is indeed a common source of silent hurt that confrontation doesn’t cure. So how does a stranger keep a secret better? Strangers literally have no one to tell, and clients never have to fear regretting the reveal. Clients get to claim relief with the kind of confidence they don’t ever stress about losing.

The Art of Understanding is Rare

“When friends listen to my rants they are quick to offer their version of events. Why can’t they come to my perspective and stay there with me for a bit?”

With all good intentions most people still do not know what listening is. The act of understanding is often short-lived when the one sitting across interrupts you, puts a spin on your story, tells you what you should be doing, thinking or feeling in the situation, puts your personality in a diagnostic box, and anything else that stops your train of thought. Most well meaning people still want to display their smarts, opinions and their way. A true Listener does not care to be one up on you with fancy feedback. The Listener’s only job is to absorb and act as a mirror so that a better version of you reverberates back.

I Wanted to Answer My Own Questions

“Expressing myself out loud makes all the difference. I came up with my own path in the sentences I spewed after”  

When listening truly, clients end up answering burning issues by themselves. The reason Listeners do not advise or offer solutions is rooted in this outcome. The need to provide answers dissolves in the client’s self-reflection. It happens every time. With a stranger as a serendipitous sounding board, clients tell me of their freedom to spill thoughts as they occur with no reservation or hesitation. And with the expectation that answers are uncertain, the client creatively engineers their own.

Summary of Article

The Big Ideas

---

01. my pursuit

I knew that the best way for me to serve others was by consciously NOT telling them what to do or how to be. Any discipline that imposes a value judgment on a person was not for me.

02. no agenda

No moral policing is done by a stranger who is new to who you are. A stranger has no incentive to showcase ego especially in the absence of a no guilt-inducing agenda.

03. Secrets

How does a stranger keep a secret better? Strangers literally have no one to tell, and you never have to fear regretting the reveal. If your secret is out, let it stay in with a stranger.

Mubeena is the Founder of Listen Truly, helping adults get the clarity and relief they deserve without psychotherapy. She started working as a professional listener out of her need for spiritual growth and her desire to practice non-judgment. If you would like to learn more, sign up for a free orientation session.